It’s not the end of the world but it certainly felt like it. My whole world had been ripped in two and people still had the odascity to tell me I was going to be just fine. How could they possibly know that ? How could they know what if be going through 6 months form now. The pain I was experiencing in that moment was a deep setting kind of pain; the kind of pain that penetrates through the bone. The kind of pain that you feel but you can’t hold nor can you put a bandaid over it to visually give you a sense of peace. I didn’t understand the encouraging words because in the moment it felt like I was a long away from ever getting through it. Though everyone told me otherwise it felt to me like my whole world had crumbled. My world had fallen apart and no one seemed to care. The world kept spinning and it felt like I was the broken girl running after it trying to keep up. I was the broken girl walking through crowds but I felt isolated and alone. It hurt even more to see people going about their lives like nothing had happened .
I secretly hoped the world would stop. That it would suddenly stop spinning and wait for me catch my breath. That I’d get some sort of special treatment not the ‘oh shame we feel sorry for you ‘type but the ‘she need some time give her a break ‘ type.This wasn’t supposed to be my story but I found myself immersed in my worst nightmare drowning in pain. This wasn’t supposed to be part of my story, I wasn’t supposed to be in that situation but the day my mom passed is the day I became a motherless daughter. I unwillingly took up my new title and I have carried that burden ever since. It is hard and it gets more difficult as time goes but it also get much easier . It’s been 3 years now and It breaks my heart to think that my mother has been gone for that long but at the same time I am grateful to think that o have come this far. I never would have imagined being in this space of peace but I am surrounded by it.
This is for all those who are right in the midst of grief. Those who feel like the tunnel they are in doesn’t have an end. This is for all those who fee like they world has come to an end I want you to know that there is hope. There is sunshine after the storm and light at the end of the tunnel.
I may still be a motherless daughter, I’m still a little broken but I am okay.
You will be okay!